short story

Magical Prison Architect

Writing prompts can be a great way to spark your creativity. This is the prompt I used to write this story; I hope you enjoy it!


Demigod

“What is going on here?!” A surly looking dwarf demanded.

The question happened to be quite justified. All around magical beings ran to and fro in utter chaos. There were fire imps flying haphazardly through the air, orcs sprinting about trying to replace fallen bricks from toppled structures, a magician staring at a burning brick wall, a harpy chasing after fleeing orcs (who were actually construction workers), and in the middle of it all stood a lone orc oblivious to the chaos around him. All around him walls lay in crumbled heaps, some of which were still crumbling. The scene looked like a city that had suddenly suffered a massive earthquake throwing its poor citizens into a massive panic. Only, the destruction had not been accidental and the ‘poor citizens’ were actually inmates from the recently destroyed prison.

“You! Orc! What is the meaning of this?” The angry dwarf from before demanded of the one orc who was not busy carrying bricks around.

“Oh, Commissioner…Well, you see-“

“Yes! I can see quite clearly what has happened. The question is, why isn’t anyone taking charge? Speaking of which, where is the person in charge here?!”

“Oh, that would be him,” the orc said with a downward thrust of his thumb. Sitting innocently at his feet sat an infant covered from head to toe in soot.

“What.” It was incredible how one word could hold such power with the right inflection and a great deal of anger behind it.

“Uh, well. He’s the one in charge.”

“No, he is not. That is an infant.” It was taking a great deal of self-control for the dwarf to even speak to the dull witted orc in front of him. “Where is the person that I left in charge?” the dwarf enunciated every word carefully so there could be no confusion.

“Oh, the wizardy guy? He got too close to a banshee and she uh…killed him.”

“D’von is dead?” The news rocked the dwarf back on his feet, but he soon recovered. “Then who put this infant in charge?”

“Oh, I did, sir! Yep, that was my idea.” The orc stood straighter, his chest puffed up, his chin lifted, and he grinned from tusk to ugly tusk.

“That’s nothing to be proud of!”

“Oh, sorry, sir. It just…”
“Get a hold of yourself you blasted orc! We need someone with backbone, with grit! This is a prison we’re running here and so far the only thing running is all the damn prisoners!!”

The furious dwarf took a deep steadying breath. As an added precaution, he took a few steps back for fear he would clobber the orc. True, dwarves and orcs rarely if ever got along, but this one truly behaved in a way that only a good clobbering could fix…permanently. At least the other orcs were busy trying to rebuild the shattered prison walls. He dared not look too closely for fear he would discover what they were actually doing.

“Well, sir. I did pick a rather good substitute for ol’ D’von. Ya see-“

“Do explain how a babe can be a replacement for D’von,” the dwarf’s voice dripped with acidity.

“Ya see, sir. He’s a demigod. And not just any demigod either! He’s a son of Zeus!” The orc grinned his big stupid grin.

“Demigods are great!” There was such exuberance in the dwarf’s voice that the orc’s grin actually widened. “Especially when they’re full grown ones.” Those last words ripped the stupid grin off the stupid orc’s face.

“But, sir! This is a son of Zeus!” He pointed again at the child at his feet. The son of Zeus giggled as he blew sooty bubbles from his nose.

“Just ‘cause he’s a son of Zeus, that don’t make him all powerful! Do you know how many women Zeus has lain with? How many children he has? Did you know some of ‘em ain’t even his own species? And what good is some untested BABE going to do when it comes to running a prison? Oh, he may a demigod by birth, which wasn’t all that long ago…” the dwarf coughed the last under his breath before continuing, “but that don’t make him qualified! We need more than just power! We need someone experienced in breaking out of prisons to make this the best damn prison around!”

“But, sir!” the orc interjected.

“What is it?!” The rant should have been enough to knock some figurative sense into the orc. But judging by the way the orc shook with excitement, or something else, it was clear he felt justified in his choice yet again.

“But he is an escapee!”

“What?” The dwarf wondered how an orc had ever been put in charge, even as second in command. D’von sure knew how to pick ‘em!

“The demigod is an escapee.”

“What?” He asked with the same flat tone as before. Nothing made sense to him anymore! Orcs in charge of prisons and prisons run by infants. What was the world coming to?

“He was in his crib and-”

“Cribs aren’t prisons!”

“But they are! At least to babies they are.” The orc looked pensive for a moment as though trying to picture what a crib looked like from an infant’s perspective.

“I’m done. I’m just done. I’m taking this project elsewhere!”

“Elsewhere? But we have everything under control.”

“Under control?” The commissioner pivoted on his heels and turned back to face the orc. “You call this under control?! This isn’t under control!! Look around you! The walls are all toppled over. The inmates are all free. Some of them are eating each other! There’s a pyromaniac burning your brick walls and just standing there watching them burn. He’s completely oblivious to everything! Just look at him!”

They looked and sure enough there was an escapee standing by a brick wall watching it burn. He was naked too, aside from his flopped over wizard’s hat.

“Instead of focusing on rounding up prisoners, or at least taking that blasted hat from that maniac to stop him from being able to gather magic, your men run around gathering fallen bricks! Bricks! Like that’s going to fix things!”

“My men are doing what the demigod told them to do.”

“What?” He really needed to stop saying that, he admonished himself. “The baby spoke to them?”

“Well, not exactly.”

The commissioner rocked back on his heels. Of course that had not been the truth! Besides, since when did orcs ever tell you the truth, the first time around?

When the dwarf made no move to either leave or to respond, the orc continued. “You see, I was the one who actually gave the order to the troops. He-”

“And the prisoners?” The Commissioner said, cutting the orc off. He had no desire to hear what lamebrain idea or concoction the orc had made to somehow hear the baby’s thoughts. In fact, he really had no idea why he even bothered to ask the follow up question. The situation demanded serious action, and he was wasting precious time. He needed to get someone else in charge and get things cleaned up and real construction underway. The only thing keeping him from panicking lay in the fact that this particular prison had been a test. So, luckily most of the inmates were relatively minor aggravations to society.

“Oh, we hired medusa to collect them all.”

“Medusa, huh. And how exactly did you convince that snake head to help you?”

“Shortened sentence!”

“And she agreed?”

“Oh, not exactly.” That seemed to be his favorite phrase.

“Not exactly. Well, I’m done here. I’m going to go get the board together and we’re going to get a real prison put together. While I’m gone, I expect this mess to be cleaned up!” In an angry huff the dwarf turned and started on his way. As he passed the wizard staring at the burning wall, the dwarf clamored up a few fallen bricks, snatched the hat, and jumped back down to the ground. The now completely naked wizard never even noticed.

“What a jerk,” the demigod said in his tiny baby voice once the Commissioner had left.

“Would you like me to take care of him?” a beautiful woman asked as she stepped out from behind a pile of bricks. The orc coughed as he forgot to breathe, the woman was so beautiful. A thin protective veil covered her face and dangerous eyes. As the orc coughed, the woman smiled.

“No, leave him be for now,” the child of Zeus said with a wave of his tiny hand. “I’m more worried about the board…Are you done turning the escapees to stone?”

“Of course. On both accounts. If the board worries you so much, I could easily take care of them. As for the escapees…All except that insane wizard have been accounted for. And he seems content right where he is.”

“Good. Now Orc.”

“Yes, master!” Orc dutifully turned his gaze to the child of Zeus.

“How much longer is it going to take your men to finish moving all of those bodies?” the demigod demanded.

“Not much longer, sir! They were nearly done when the Commissioner arrived, sir!”

“Good, I don’t want him coming back and realizing all those bricks he saw being moved were actually petrified inmates. When they’re done with that, order them to start reconstruction. This time I want those walls enhanced with magic after they’ve been built. It does no good bolstering their strength as individual bricks. The stronger creatures just push them out. Is that understood?”

“Yes, sir! I’ll get my men on it right away, sir!” With that, Orc ran off to the nearest band of orcs.

“You’re so cruel calling him that.”

“Ha! You should have seen how long it took me to even get that name out of him,” the infant grumbled. “The dwarf was right about one thing. That orc is an idiot.”

 

Positivity Camp Chapter 1

I started working on a short story that I wanted to share here, but it’s turning into something else. As a writer, I feel this often happens; I start out with an idea and it branches off into something beyond the original scope of my vision. Well, that happened this time, too! What started out as a simple story about a strange camp turned into more of a social commentary.

Tales of a Ferret Owner: Ferret Shoulder Training

Remember how I said I wanted to do more short stories a few weeks ago? Well, I have succeeded in once again accomplishing just that! This time around, it’s a prequel to my halloween ferret post coming up. May your adventures be many and your inspiration be endless!

Photo credit:Green_grey Darya


Before I get to my Halloween special, I wanted to give a bit of a backstory on something I once tried teaching to Erin, which I like to call: ferret shoulder training.

I really only committed to this training once. Although, there were plenty of times I made an attempt and simply gave up after a few seconds, or unsuccessful attempts, later. Anyway, I tried teaching Erin to stay on my shoulder once while standing on my bed. You may or may not know this, but ferrets are trained to not jump off a shoulder because the landing hurts. Well, I had hoped the bed would be annoying enough that Erin would learn while also doing the least amount of damage, if ferrets can even take damage (I’m joking here! Of course they can take damage and feel pain. They just are so dumb about the things they do that they seem impervious to danger or pain, that’s all I’m really getting at.). 

The first attempt at training didn't go well. You'd think a bed would be a soft spot to land. Well, it is. The only thing is, ferrets are kinda slinky-like. They... uh... don't exactly stick the landing. Let me try to paint this picture for you.

Me, standing on my bed, trying to find my own balance as my feet bounce a bit. Erin is on my shoulder, but she wants something else (the blankets she sees, the top of a shelf, Teeka...). She immediately decides to make a jump for it, it being any number of things that may have captured her attention.

I fumble and try to catch her, as I still wasn't fully prepared to just let her fall. Well, I didn't catch her exactly. I more of fumbled her as she slipped between my fingers. At this point, she started spinning mid-air, either because  I caused her to start spinning or she decided to start doing a death roll as she was free falling. Either way, Erin was falling and thrashing about. 

When she finally landed on the bed, she bounced. And then she bounced again. I tried to catch her, but she just kept going. That was it. She was just bouncing and floundering, a war dance of pure chaotic rage that only a ferret can produce. Pretty sure she was chittering at me as she glared up at me. Then, her butt went over the edge of the bed, and it took the rest of her bulky form with it.

I was shocked and dismayed. Not only had I failed to teach Erin to stay on my shoulder, but by interfering, I had set her on a path of bouncing mayhem and then she went right over the edge. It was like watching an animal caught in a current that's headed straight for a waterfall.

At that point, I was mortified.

Then, like half a second later, she is on the carpet running out of the room. Teeka wasn't in sight, but everyone could hear Teeka whenever she had an itch. Just as Erin hovered in the doorway, Teeka slammed into a wall or something and then she thrashed around as she gnawed the irritated skin and then kicked off the wall to be on her way again. Her path took her directly in front of Erin, but she never slowed as she raced for a nap spot under the couch. Erin, as usual, went running after her.

So, yeah. I eventually caught Erin and we went back to the bed for a second attempt. Sadly, that went about the same as the first time around - Erin fell, she twisted around mid-air, she chittered as she bounced, and then over the edge she went. Turns out, Erin just liked to perform war dances mid-air, resulting in her twisting and turning and flopping her way over the edge of the bed. Oh, and she always had that look of surprise whenever she went over, like she has no clue she's reached the end of the sea of blankets. That alone was enough to tell me Erin wasn't exactly smart or teachable at this stage in her life. She was close to seven at this point, which is the average age most ferrets live to.

Erin was the only ferret I ever tried teaching to stay on my shoulder. Teeka would've been gone before I could even place her (she only stayed still if she was asleep, otherwise, it was constant motion with her). Basically, I knew that if I attempted it with Teeka, she'd be off the shoulder in a half second, then over the bed and out the door a half second after that.

Tango would have been a good candidate, now that I think about it, but he was just such a gentle boy. I couldn't do it. Erin and I had a special bond. We took naps together, and she enjoyed biting me during said naps so she could have more room. So cute! So violent! Tango just did his own thing, and I let him do it. Oh, as a bonus fact, Erin had been partially trained, when she'd been a young ferret, to stay on a shoulder. So, of the three of them, I also thought she'd have the best chances of figuring it out and with the least amount of falling. 

I’ll never know if I was wrong about that or not, but it’s certainly a fond memory of Erin and I having fun.

Disclaimer

And, to be perfectly clear, Erin was never hurt during the attempted training, which again, lasted all of two attempts. She injured herself jumping off the back of the couch for no good reason or by falling out of her hammock bed and literally flopping from one shelf of the cage to the next to the next to the next and then finally hitting the bottom of the cage. Sure, the shelves were staggered, but it took considerable skill to roll one way, then the other, then back the other way. Teeka did it the most as an itch usually had her rolling in all directions, so it made sense for her to fall all the way down. Tango never had that issue. He knew how to gently lower himself onto the next level or how to use the slide. And I only caught Erin doing it once. Maybe she just wanted to see why Teeka did it so much and then decided it wasn't for her.

Bonus Story

But those darn couch leaps of faith! Oh, that reminds me of that one party I hosted where everyone was sitting on the couch (one that is safe for guests to use even if a ferret is snoozing under it, yes ferrets are often crushed as they nap under couches). That darn party is where I discovered Erin’s Mountain Dew addiction! Yes, she knew what it was. And yes, she did stick her head into a guest's glass and took a few sips before anyone could stop her, let alone knew what was going on. I was mortified at the time, until I learned a previous owner had let her try it, so she had known exactly what she’d smelled and had gone after it as any tenacious, one-track-minded ferret would. Also, she seemed to suffer no ill side effects. She was a grumpy butt the rest of the night, however, as no one would let her near the drinks again. Pretty sure she climbed up pant legs and jackets just to try reaching the arm that held the glass.

She knew it was there. She knew. You know, I bet I could have trained her with Mountain Dew as an incentive. I bet she would’ve climbed up my leg and happily sat on my shoulder just for a sip. 

Final Disclaimer

Please don’t give animals soda. It was funny in the moment as well as a complete accident. If you want to train a ferret, see what non-toxic things they like instead.

Anyway, that’s the end of this side tangent. Next week has a Halloween themed tale!

Tales of a Ferret Owner: Halloween Edition

As we get closer to Halloween, I feel it is only appropriate that I share this brief tale.May your adventures be many and your inspiration be endless!


Photo credit:Verina


Back in 2014 or so, that same first year that we had the ferrets, I remember dressing up as a witch for Halloween. I didn't dress up for a party or for friends or anything like that. No, I did it so I could have a ferret familiar whenever a kiddo came to the door for candy.

Honestly, I didn't really have to try very hard to get a ferret to participate, just one. Tango came to the door on his own a few times, but he became bored and wandered off to nap. Teeka made her twitchy way to the door. As usual, her tenacious speed and spasmodic itching episodes resulted in her slamming into the glass door. After a few quick sniffs, she turned around, crawledunder Erin, who had been shambling up after her, and then retreated under the couch while Erin tried to figure out what had just happened and what to do next. 

Although Teeka was always a temptation for Erin, this time the opened front door with the now visible glass door beyond that, which let her see outside, intrigued her more than chasing after Teeka.

This was all well and good until it became clear Erin wasn't going to leave and that she'd make a break for the outdoors the second I opened the door for trick-or-treaters. She made many attempts until I tried putting her on my shoulder. That didn't work. She suicided off every time.

Oh, don't worry. I always caught her. They weren't always the most gracious of catches, but she was being ridiculous. Oh, and before you get all judgemental, just know that in order to train a ferret to stay on a shoulder, you have tolet them fall hard. That's how they learn to stop leaping from stupid spots. You can learn more about my previous attemptshere in my previous post about shoulder training a ferret.

Anyway, there we were, Erin in my arms, since my shoulder wasn’t safe, and a trick-or-treater at the door. I have never seen a child so happy in my life, and it wasn’t the candy she wanted.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look! The lady has a ferret! I want a ferret. I told you last year I wanted one. I still want one,” she said, her eyes riveted on the squirming, struggling Erin in my arms.

I hate to admit it, but I think both the child and Erin were on the same wavelength. Erin wanted to be where the little girl was, and the little girl wanted Erin, lol. Likewise, Erin was mine, and I wasn’t about to let the little girl have her. And the shock, jaw dropping look of the father, which rapidly turned to annoyance as it became clear “candy” was no longer on his little girl’s mind, told me he didn’t want an Erin.

“She’s my familiar,” I said proudly. The little girl got to pet Erin. As she did, Tango waddled up and walked out the front door. He didn’t get much further than a single paw on concrete before I scooped him up. Behind me, I heard several loud thumps as Teeka rushed out from under the couch and slammed into the ottoman as a scratching fit overcame her.

With all three ferrets vying for the freedom of an open door, I gave a gentle toss of Tango so he slid happily on the tile floor. By the time he made it to the carpet, Teeka plowed past him, but I had the candy in hand, tossed it in the trick-or-treat bag, snatched Erin, and had the door closed. Teeka, naturally, slammed into it and proceeded to scratchand turn around for a retreat back to the couch. Erin wanted to follow, but she and Tango kept waiting for the door to open.

My sigh was met with an equal sigh from the other side of the door as the dad helplessly led his still chatting daughter away. Ah, even now I can still hear that little girl excitedly continuing on about how much she wanted a ferret, and how if a lady like me could have one, then why couldn’t she? So much for candy, lol. That girl had a whole lot more joy from meeting Erin than she probably got from that silly bag full of sugar.

Happy almost Halloween, everyone!

CAFFEINE IS MY MUSE

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